Simple answer: Fear. Of several things. First, I don’t know many local kinky people (or if I do, they hide it well!). I hadn’t kept tabs on the local scene for a while and didn’t know what was out there. Second, I’m no size 6. It’s taken me many years to build the self-esteem needed to see the sexy in me, and now that I’ve found it, you better back the fuck up, because I exude sensuality and sexiness. I was concerned for a long time that I wouldn’t be accepted.
As you can imagine, finding and attending a play party was a process that I didn’t take lightly. There’re a lot of crazies out there, and a lot of wannabe’s. I followed several safety rules along the way:
- Attend your first party with a friend, and/or a protector if possible.
- Make sure you have a way to leave easily if something (or someone) squicks you. Either drive yourself, or go with your protector.
- If you are going with a potential play partner (boyfriend/girlfriend, husband/wife, etc.), discuss, discuss, discuss BEFORE the party. Setup guidelines. Communicate what you’re willing to do and what you’re willing to show.
- Once you’ve setup your guidelines, STICK TO THE PLAN. Some of us submissives are either so starved for the lifestyle or so naturally want to please, that we’ll fall under the ‘spell’ of any self-proclaimed Dominant and be talked into doing something we hadn’t planned on.
- Go in with an open mind. A scene takes a lot of effort from the players. Nothing will kill it quicker than someone on the sideline gasping loudly and yelling ‘Ewwww!’ Be considerate of all those attending. NEVER be a fan of YKINOK (Your Kink Is Not OK). Show everyone the same consideration you’d want to receive.
- If you’re watching a flogging/whipping scene, stay out of the backswing area. Nuff said.
- At most play parties, all genders/sexual orientations are welcomed. If f/f or M/M sex bothers you, make sure you avoid those areas, and keep your opinions to yourself.
- Know the dungeon’s rules. Many have ‘no penetration’ and ‘no masturbation’ rules. In the local dungeon’s case, no alcohol or drugs are allowed. If you show up under the influence, you’re welcome to socialize in the meeting area, but you aren’t allowed to enter the dungeon under any circumstances.
Play parties are fun to attend, but how do I find them? Thanks to the Internet, and a couple of well-placed groups, you can find your local kinksters pretty easily. Check out FetLife, which is a social network (like Facebook) but for kinksters. FetLife has tons of groups that you can join, including groups for kinksters in your area. You can also check out Yahoo groups. Be aware that you’ll need to verify your age with Yahoo to access the ‘adult’ groups, but again, membership is free.
I’m not a Beauty Queen/King, am I gonna feel out of place?
Honestly, as a big woman, this was a concern of mine. Believe me, I was pleasantly surprised! What I liked the most was everyone’s attitude. Most everyone sauntered about the dungeon in various states of undress, and didn’t give two hoots about what others thought. And for good reason – everyone was open and accepting. Not one person looked at the ‘real’ people and made a face indicating their dislike. Folks attending were as young as 18, and as old as 70. It was awesome seeing men and women well into their 60’s still enjoying kink!
OK spill it, what did you see?
Alright already! I walked into the dungeon and was pleasantly surprised. All the furniture was hand-made (I met the Dom who made most everything…and told him I want the plans! LOL). The swing was the first thing to the right as I entered. A large woman was bound in the swing, with a man wearing only a kilt taking pictures. The man introduced himself as the unofficial photographer and immediately asked me if I had a problem with being photographed. Hell, no! I’m an exhibitionist at heart.
Next was the spanking bench. A woman, naked except for a chain-link belt, was strapped to it, and her Dom was slowly running his hand over her back…while wearing a vampire glove. She writhed as he readied her with the sensation play. Then he began to lightly flog her, alternating between flogging and playing with her pussy. As I watched, enthralled, he brought her to a screaming orgasm. Wow, live sex where you actually get to see a woman come! I think all the boys weaned on mainstream porn need to attend a play party or two.
In the center of the room there were two padded leather tables. On the first table, a man was lying face-down while a Domme flogged him lightly. She would hit a tender spot every now and then and he’d flinch and moan in pleasure.
On the other table a woman was lying face-down while a Dom engaged in some edge play with a very large knife. As I moved in closer I noticed that she wore a collar and leash, and was in ecstasy. No blood was spilled, as her Master was also skilled at using a knife to create sensation without breaking her skin. He put down the knife, and lay over top of her, biting her neck and shoulders as she writhed beneath him. He slid back off of her, turned her over, and pulled out a set of small-gauge needles. After preparing the woman’s breasts and abdomen with alcohol wipes, he began to push the needles into her, forming a straight line from mid-breast to her upper abdomen. The needles stood straight just like acupuncture needles. He also pressed a needle into each nipple, and then wound ribbon between the needles in her breasts. She enjoyed the pain, and was rewarded as her Master then brought out a hefty vibrator and brought her to a screaming orgasm.
Along the other side of the room was another table with four posts and a frame at the top of the posts. Eyelets hung from all sides and the all along the top of the frame. An man in his late 60’s was bound standing in front of the table, arms up and wrists cuffed to eyelets on the top frame, and legs taped to the sides of the frame. A Domme was sitting on a chair in front of him, fully clothed, as he moaned naked and blindfolded in front of her. She had already attached bull-clips to the sides of his cock and his balls, and was using a crop on the insides of his thighs. He would cry out at each slap of the crop and then thrust his cock out for more attention. Finally she put the crop down and removed the bull-clips slowly as he cried out and then jetted his cum across her thighs. She held him as she removed his bindings, rubbing all his joints and his skin to help him come down from the endorphin high.
At the far end was a rack, with a naked man bound and stretched on his back. The Domme attending to him was attaching bull clips to his balls as he moaned in a mix of pain and pleasure.
In the back was the suspension area. A frame was bolted into the rafters, with several thousand-pound winches attached. One of the Doms was the local rope and suspension expert, and he graciously gave of his time to tie and suspend several women. His knot work was flawless, and so was his sense of humor. He tied the Dungeon-owner’s submissive in pink ropes as she was naked and wearing pink bunny slippers! As we watched, the Dom also showed us several tools of the trade that he’d had hand-made for him: cat-o-nine tails, large and small floggers, dragon tails, and canes to name a few. He found a willing subject and gave us a demonstration of Florentine flogging, which is a two-handed style that uses matching floggers. Several people wanted to learn how to wield the floggers, so the Dom also spent some time showing proper flogging technique.
As the evening moved on, the two tables in the center of the room became available. The female kinkster running the show setup the tables as a sensation-play area for all the newbies who were interested. Several Tops volunteered, and several women laid face-down across the tables, eager to experience some light BDSM. As I watched, the Tops went to work on them using large and small floggers, wartenberg pinwheels, rods, and a chain mesh glove. This went on for about half an hour, and a few more bottoms stripped and offered themselves up for the sensations.
Another man laid face-down on the spanking bench, blindfolded, while a Domme played with his ass and balls. As she put on a strap-on, she prepared him for the impending fucking with some anal beads. When she felt he was prepared enough, she had him lay on the front side of the bench on his back, legs in the air, and proceeded to fuck him with the strap-on while another man stood beside them and played with the sub’s cock. The sub had a hard time accepting the dildo – he was very upset because he thought he had failed the Domme. Instead she calmed his fears and explained that she was not displeased. She put on a glove and used her fingers to fuck him in the ass as the other man continued to stroke the sub’s cock. As I watched his moans increased, the stroking got faster, and the Domme encouraged him to come. He let go and came, covering his abdomen and chest as he yelled out his release.
(I must note here, that this group is a little different from others that I have been a part of. Many dungeons have a ‘no penetration’ rule that includes no intercourse, oral sex, digital penetration, or toys. Masturbation may or may not be allowed. Make sure you know a club’s rules before attending any parties! I’m of the opinion and that if you’re working me over, I want a happy ending, so there better be SOME form of penetration ;))
Another female sub was put on a St. Andrew’s cross while a Dom flogged her. The floggers sounded SO loud that I winced a few times. Another Dom standing next to me leaned over and said ‘Don’t worry, he’s making it sound much worse than it is.’ That actually gave me cause to shiver! After flogging the sub for about 15 minutes, the Dom pulled out my favorite toy – a Hitachi wand. The sub had a lovely screaming orgasm while I pressed my legs together in remembrance of my last playtime with my own wand.
In addition to everyone’s welcoming attitude, I enjoyed being a voyeur. Couples had sex on the benches in front of us, while a sub gave her Dom a blowjob right behind us. It was very fulfilling to meet with a group of fellow kinksters who let go of their inhibitions and let everything hang out. I’m certainly looking forward to hanging out with them again!